KCC Dream Team - Rude Rude Danny Rood

KCC Dream Team - Rude Rude Danny Rood

5 Apr 2018

I’ve been lucky enough to play 10 seasons for Karori for various teams. I started in the 4th XI, which later became the 3rds, before graduating to the 2nds and even snuck in a game for the Prems. The game lasted six overs and I still have the match ball, which Jonny Fletcher gave to me despite not actually playing in the game. Due to the fact I’m made of glass, I had to dial it back to T20 for the Wildcats, before setting up the Stonecutters T20 team in 2016. We alternate between wearing the stone of shame and the stone of triumph, such is the fickle nature of T20 cricket. The team was picked based on match contributions, how much I’ve played with them and social housing policies (i.e. being social in a house party environment):

  1. Brad Anderson – Dr Anderson, aka Brandy or Heisenbrad, blares Beast Wars tunes out his crummy Jesse Pinkman memorial automobile. Conversely, Pinkman cooks while Brandy hooks. Brandy works exceptionally hard on his game and scored 500+ runs in the 2013/14 season, bookended by ducks. Lost count of how many important 50s he notched up for the 3rd XI. He may have dislocated his shoulders 500 times, too. Turns it square with his leggies, often keen to go under the lid and a very capable keeper, too. Always down for a few craft suds or a late-night dram. Vocal fielder and cracking team bloke.

 

  1. Alistair Woolgar – Wooly has transformed himself from a steady-as-she-goes batsman to a something of a T20 blitzkrieg. He has a wonderful straight-drive as well as a lovely pick-up shot. He’s scored plenty of runs for the Stonecutters this season, including a rapid 77 in game one. He’s a bit of a Sydney Harbour bridge in the gully, though. Took a 5-fa in his second game and I don’t think he’s taken five wickets in total since. Wooly has exceptional Simpsons chat, which does take up about 37% of my brain capacity.  Wife Rachel is our #1 fan, closely followed by his cool dog, Walnut, a Dalmatian. Walnut is scared of anyone padded up in full-kit. Good boi, Walnut!

 

  1. Matt Atkin – Matty was skipper when I played seconds between 2013 and 2015. His batting approach is to play it late and play it straight. Often destructive, I won’t forget his brutal 165 off 85 balls he bashed against a helpless Upper Hutt side in 2014. Always backed me and was honest when I wasn’t performing well. It’s always difficult facing his spin in the nets due to his varying facial expressions. Has a great dog called Kiwa who is really fluffy and loves a good scratch.

 

  1. Isaac Hunter – Isaac is the most special case batsman known to man. He bats without gloves. His 201* off 76 balls (feat. 26x6 and 5x4s, that’s not at typo) in 2011 was a violent display of hitting, clearing boundaries with ease. Would destroy any opposition attack, I recall him hitting a hat-trick ball for six and then next ball too, just to be safe. Other teams would often implement a cow-cordon in an attempt to dismiss him. Disappointed if his strike rate is below 300. Great value on a night out. Such was his street-cred, these nights out would often result in me telling bar staff “Oh, Hunter said I could do that” when queue jumping or carrying drinks between bars, with no consequence.

 

  1. Tony Antipas – Lord Antimatter was born in Pangea, where he learnt his infmaous late cut. With a rock solid D, he fits the mould of a classic 2-day batsman. Reliable man in close and also part-time keeper. I’ve really enjoyed watching his T20 game develop of late. Bowls autumn leaves that I don’t really utilise enough. Gives great advice and is always down for some suds on the roof a la Andy Dufresne and the convict crew from the spring of ’49 at Shawshank Prison. You wanna cold one, Anti?

 

  1. Mike McIver – aka The Wall or Muscles, the man with big leavers puts a price on his wicket like no other. Has now hit two sixes in 2017/18 season, which I believe is more than he’s hit since I started playing with him in ~1999. Has a very safe pair of hands and has a knack of taking one-handed grabs. Used to be a handy seamer but got the yips. Yells “good arm” regardless of throwing outcome and enjoys slipping in various Jonah Lomu Rugby and/or Shane Warne Cricket lines at random. May have spent $750 on a new stick but the idea of $4 beer is nauseating to him.

 

  1. Hamish Cameron(wk) – Easts nicknamed him “Coach” because he just loves telling people what to do and how to do it, he was our master batsman in the 2012/13 season, notching up his first ton and several big boi scores. Capable of batting anywhere in the top 7 and is very strong square of the wicket. Ever-improving keeper and essential member of the brains-trust. Have lost track of the amount of chat we’ve had about battlers, The Wire, single malts or “good mulch”. Has a “dog” called Pickle, although I am pretty sure it’s actually a cotton top tamarin.

 

  1. Sam Nowland (c) – Boots would be the captain of this team. His mana and knowledge of the game is something to behold. One of the most natural cricketers I’ve played with, he always has time on his hands. Hits a big straight ball with pure timing. Bowls wonderful outswingers and beats the bat at least twice an over. Scored his first ton in a 2-dayer in 2010 off about 53 balls and scored several more in the following seasons. Was always keen to try things, whether that’d be varying the batting order or throwing a part-timer the ball. He believed in me, even when I didn’t. Should really be batting 1-5. Steams a good ham.

 

  1. Dave Castle – Castle helped me improve my game immensely. I’ve always played as a bowler, but I didn’t really know how to bowl. Thanks to DC and Bakes, I learnt a lot of basic things about bowling that helped enormously. Castle had the best cut shot around town and is a very handy off-spinner. A truly fierce competitor.  Should be batting about 6, but remember, David, we work as a team and we do it my way. Easily the best 12th Man chat in the lower North Island. I’d say 63% of my conversations with him begin with “yes, welcome back” a la Max Walker. Has a cat named Chewie. I suppose the name makes up for the fact it is not a dog.

 

  1. Scott Shepherd – the Chris Benoit doppleganger who illustrates the life and times of the Hutt Valley. He started off as a reliable ring-in but is now a regular standout for the Stonecutters. A forceful all-rounder; all shoulder with the ball, all forearms with the bat. A great T20 finisher and has the best figures in our short history; an astonishing 6-10 off 4 overs. Has two big doggos called Zeus (Rottweiler) and Tess (German Shepherd) that may actually be ursine in nature.

 

  1. Tony DeLorenzo – Mr Consistent. Always going to take a few wickets and bowl line and length. When he doesn’t, he concedes as many runs as Chris Martin scores. Often scores handy runs when required. A piece of advice he gave me back in 2010 was “don’t listen to any advice I give you” which I can’t decide if that’s more of a paradox or an oxymoron. The best end-of-season host around, complete with cheerios and a liquor cabinet that resembles Professor Snape’s potions room. (Yes, it does contain boomslang and gillyweed). Has a big fluffy dog called Ganzu who may or may not be descendant of Mufasa (RIP).

 

  1. Mark Jurgeleit (12th Man) - I first played with Jurgs in 2013 and was astounded how cleanly he can hit a cricket ball. The first two balls in Stonecutters history were bowled to Jurgs. Both went for six. He’s the go to opening bat for the ‘cutters and a reliable, clever seamer who figures out a batsman rather quickly. Gives sage advice which then tends to result in him gravitating towards first slip, somehow.